Are you more of a talker or a listener?

One of the things I find fascinating about geek culture is that a lot of the conversations are “won” by the person who talks the most. Geeks are generally running a meritocracy, and the way that you earn merit points is by making the most compelling argument for what you believe, making sure you get the airtime to express it in a group, arguing in circles around your detractors, proving you’re the smartest, and getting the team to implement your idea.

That strategy will make you pretty successful as you are growing up through the ranks of geekdom. Other geeks will model it for you, and to be a successful geek, you will have to do it really well.

If you want to become a CEO, it is something you will have to partially unlearn. I say partially, because of course you will always have this technique in your back pocket, in case you run into someone at a conference that you want to out-geek. Don’t worry, you’ll always have this arrow in your quiver!

However, once you move into the ranks of CEOs, or even CTO/CIOs, you will need to adjust your speaking strategy. What was once a superpower will become a stumbling block. Because once you have a fair amount of executive power, you don’t have to dominate the conversation to get your way.

So, how will your conversational style change? You will listen MORE than you will speak, and you will ask lots of questions.

Your skill of deciding what direction you want a conversation to go in will still be quite useful. You don’t want to end up off in the weeds, and especially not the weeds of someone else’s choosing.

As a CxO, a lot of time you should be gathering information to make decisions, and developing relationships. You cannot doing either of these things while you are talking. Therefore, you are thinking about what you want to know, and where you want the conversation to go, and you are asking questions that help you (a) learn about other people and what they believe, and (b) help you make better decisions. Think of something you want to know about, ask the question, and let the other person talk.

At first it will feel awful to give the floor up to someone else… You will imagine the power draining away onto a puddle on a floor. Take a deep breath, and let them talk anyway.

In a social situation, you will be most comfortable “holding the floor”. You are full of fascinating stories and opinions! However, the point of most social situations at the CxO level is to develop deeper relationships with other people present, and you can’t do that if you are talking the majority of the time. Other people will learn more about you, but you won’t learn much about them, and they will talk away feeling like you don’t find them interesting, or don’t care about them. FAIL!

You can learn a lot from other people’s body language. As a geek, you trained yourself to ignore this – the idea was to dominate the conversation at all costs. Now it’s time to pay attention! When you are telling a story, are people looking directly at you, or looking away? You can tell that someone is bored when they direct their eyes or bodies away from the speaker. If this is happening, it’s a sign that you’ve been talking for too long.

Wrap up your story or point, and shift the focus to someone else by asking them a question. You will be amazed at how this will re-energize the conversation.

Another great way to learn about this is to watch everyone’s body language when someone else is speaking. There you don’t have to hold the floor and watch simultaneously, so it’s easier to learn.

What stops you from getting work done?

Most of us are engaged in a never-ending battle to get more done, especially those of us who work independently. If you are working for long stretches of time by yourself, you are dependent on your ability to schedule and manage your time efficiently.

Most of us learn how to do that as schoolkids, based on a system of external influences, such as rewards and punishments (and, as Alfie Kohn wrote about in “Punished by Rewards”, rewards don’t actually work very well). If you want to direct your own time, you will have to train yourself to make a plan, eliminate distractions, and choose to follow through on the plan.

Here is an easy way to get started now:

Make a plan.

Carve out how many hours you are willing to work TODAY.  Be realistic. If you’re not sure how long you can work, think back to times you’ve been productive in the past. Most people can be productive for about 3 to 4 hours before they need to get up and take a break. How long can you reasonably work and actually get something done? The trick is to book yourself for this amount of time, but NOT MORE.

OK, so let’s say you’ve now got 3-4 hours set aside. What can you reasonably accomplish in this amount of time? It’s probably less than you think. Most of us overestimate what is possible in 3-4 hours. We think we’ll write the entire term paper, finish the project, clean out the whole garage, write the business plan, etc.

One of the biggest downfalls in planning is that people often set themselves up to fail by taking on something too big. What you want at the end of the 3-4 hours is the sense of satisfaction that you did what you set out to do, and start earning YOUR OWN TRUST. Without the ability to trust that you can do what you plan, what you’re doing is hoping your project will get done, without believing that it will get done.

There is a chasm of difference there. If you overbook yourself, you will likely get up with the feeling that you couldn’t do it all. Your trust in yourself just went down, and you’re less likely to believe you can do what you set out to do. If you slightly underbook yourself, you are way more likely to be successful, and to get up feeing like you accomplished what you set out to do. That way you are building trust in yourself, and building self-esteem. The self-esteem you get from doing what you say is priceless. It’s one of the most valuable things you can possibly get, and it feels terrific.

Eliminate Distractions.

Let’s talk about removing distractions. There are two types of distractions I’ve seen sabotage people’s work: interruptions and meanderings.

An interruption is when something unpredictable happens that stops your current train of thought, and redirects you to something new. Most common interruptions are phonecalls, text messages, people walking in the room and asking you questions, and checking email. When something interrupts you, it takes on average XX minutes to re-engage with what you were doing before you were interrupted. So if someone calls to talk to you on the phone, it costs you the five-minute phone call, plus the amount of time to context switch back to what you were doing originally. Ouch!

A classic form of meandering is web surfing; another is watching TV. It’s something that has no obvious beginning or end, and that you can lose yourself in easily for a long time. If you find yourself meandering, you will have cost yourself the time it took to meander, plus the time it takes to context switch back to what you were originally trying to do.

What can you do to eliminate distractions? The three easiest ways are: (1) turn off your phone, (2) turn off your Internet access, and (3) go somewhere that other people are silently working. It may sound draconian, but it really, really works. In particular, a large number of my clients turn off the Internet at certain times during their work cycle. You may be the kind of person who can work at home in solitude. If so, it helps to have a place where you only work. The idea is to build up the situational cues so that every time you sit down there, you know you are going to settle in and get something done.

Choose to Follow Through.

OK, so we’ve now got you to the point where you’ve come up with a realistic plan for today, you’ve eliminated the distractions, and you’re ready to get to work. There is one last step… You have to choose the work you are about to do.

One of the most destructive things I hear from people is “I need to do XYZ today.”  For most people, this is a cross between fantasizing about what is possible, and beating yourself up about what hasn’t been done yet. When I hear that, I can almost guarantee there will be some amount of procrastination involved before they even start. They haven’t yet made a commitment to do it, but they are hoping that by talking about the need to get it done, they will convince some other part of themselves to get up and go do it!

Language can create incredibly powerful shifts in behavior. If you’re not sure, instead of saying “I need to do XYZ today”, you can start by saying “I am considering whether I will do XYZ today”.  Before you’ve committed, that is the truth about where you are.  This may sound overly pedantic, but it works.

After you’ve thought through how much time you would need, what other priorities or responsibilities you have, you’re in a position to make a commitment for today, or pass. If you pass, you’re deciding today isn’t the day, and that is totally fine.

If you commit, you’ve made a decision to press forward, and use your willpower to accomplish what you set out to do. You have an opportunity to follow through on a commitment to yourself, to build your self-esteem, and to feel great when you get it done. Don’t throw away this opportunity! You will feel awesome when it’s done!

Engineer to Manager: Are you ready?

One of the ways I introduce myself is to say I help technologists who are hiding from their true potential. (Saying I’m a business coach sounds kind of boring, and doesn’t resonate with people much.)

I was talking to a really good friend last week. He’s one of the more knowledgeable, skilled, articulate, and visionary people I’ve had the pleasure of working with. He’s really quite exceptional.

He’s been getting offers to be a CTO. And he’s been shying away, saying “maybe in a few years”.

Now, there are lots of reasons to shy away from something new. But what’s interesting is that he actually wants more responsibility, and has big dreams about what he wants to accomplish in his lifetime. So these positions are in line with what he sees himself doing… eventually.

I notice a pattern in my work a lot, where there are really amazing technical people with big dreams, but they don’t ante up to be managers until several years after they are ready.

A lot of people (and especially engineers) feel like it’s preposterous or arrogant to declare that you’re ready to take the next step in your career. They wait for overwhelming evidence that they’re capable of doing something. This reminds me of the difference between sales and marketing – sales wants to tell a customer something is “coming” when they’ve only just dreamt it up last weekend, and engineering wants to diagram out exactly how it will be built and have it 3/4 done before it’s announced to anyone.

The thing about career moves is that you generally don’t have all of the experience you’ll need to do something new. It’s interesting – an engineer will happily jump over to a new platform or technology, and assume that they’ll work out all the details along the way. It’s just something they expect, and even part of the fun. What would it be like to take that lightness, that creativity, that “beginner’s mind” to the next step in your career?

Now, it’s one thing if you really don’t have the credentials to do something – I’m not advocating reckless jumps upward. But when people around you are suggesting that you give something a try, it might be worth considering that they are seeing a readiness that isn’t apparent to you.

Not every engineer is ready for (or even interested in) leadership. But if this feels familiar, you might be more ready than you think.

So, blogging…

I’ve put off writing down what I know about working in the world of technology for a while now. I think I finally realized that I know *enough* to get started, I might make some mistakes, and all that is just fine. I’d like to give credit to Pamela Slim’s entry “Perfectionists are Losers“. I’ve read heaps of things that say “just get started, it will all be fine, you’ll see”, but that was the thing that got me rolling.